Beautiful Torture 6-27-09

Sitting here, pen in hand, listening to the tick of the antique grandfather clock.
It stands as a reminder, that while we have eternity, time still passes. Even for us. Though, differently than it does for everyone else.
When Renee asked, practically begged for me to come visit her, it pained me to agree.
That hollow, empty feeling in my chest.. if my heart were capable of beating, I swear it may have stopped at that point, as soon as I realized, I'd have to be away from @MindMeddlerEd.
We haven't been separated for more than a couple of days since.. well, I won't go into that.
I don't know how I'll manage, though, I know it's merely a week.
I love him, so entirely that I'm unsure where I end, and he begins.. we are two halves of the same whole. I do hope that he enjoys some bro-bonding time, while I'm away.
God knows, other than seeing my mother and Phil, I won't be having any fun. I'll be full of excuses and staying inside all day, while the Jacksonville sun,beats down mercilessly.
Oh well, it's one week and Jacksonville,right? I can get through this. I *think*.
{{Edward...I hope you know how much I love and adore you..how being away from you makes me so..anxious. I can't wait to find my way home to you, I miss you already and I haven't even left yet.}}
I'm just thankful, beyond words. Missing him is agony, but having him to miss? Beautiful torture.

My Memoirs ..Entry One 6-22-09

For so long, as far back as I could remember, I thought that I'd be alone. I had almost accepted it.
I mean really, who could put up with me? I'm opinionated, possessive, clumsy and flawed beyond belief. *Shrugs* I was damn convinced that I'd never find anyone that would want to keep me for any amount of time.
Then, @MindMeddlerEd appeared, out of nowhere, calling softly out to someone to take his hand. To walk into eternity with him. I was blessed enough to be the one that he chose. Before him, my life had no true purpose. It was as if I was a shadow, existing in a sunless world, I was merely blending in with the darkness, until he became my light.
As I sit here, writing this in my clumsy scrawl, thinking back over my life, glancing around occasionally at the home we have made together, I realize just how much we have been through, how far we've come. I often wonder if he knows how many times he has saved me, truly saved me. Even from myself on more than one occasion.
I may have existed before him, but I was barely breathing. I never knew love, passion, or consumption. I had no real idea of want, need, hunger or even thirst. I wasn't aware of yearning or longing. @MindMeddlerEd has taught me those things, and so much more. I am in complete awe, and adoration of him.
My life has been forever altered. He is my today, tomorrow,my eternity, and he is my personal savior every, single day.